I Enjoy Being a Girl?

Original Photo - Pat Suzuki from Flower Drum Song

This has been a big week for me being a girl.

I’m currently taking a Management Course by renowned corporate trainer, Jesse Favre, and learning what my priorities are when I manage a team. 

My Top 3 are Alignment to True North, Team Focus, and Empathy and Support. I was surprised to find Fairness, Humility and Decisiveness falling to the bottom of my priorities.

When I investigated why, here is what I learned about me:

I believe that if you lose focus on what you want in the future (Your True North - or your brand's True North), you will fail to align your team's focus. This will make you unclear with your team and they will start to "underperform" which is really just a lack of communication that leads to a lack of empathy and support among the team and within the organization at large.

A lack of empathy and support will drive unfair behavior. If people are too humble to share where they see a breakdown, then you will further lose focus and spiral into inability to make a decision.

I thought my top priorities would be decisiveness or equity…But, I was wrong.

I taught myself early that “mens” priorities should be “our” priorities, and I believed the narrative white men told me that “good work will drive good results and good results drive good pay and promotions”. This led to me turning around multi million and even billion dollar categories by keeping the team focused on the goal.

If something went wrong, I never looked for the culprit. Instead, I would join the team in finding a solution, so it didn’t happen this way in the future. 

I didn’t encourage Humility, because I understood that so many categories of humans have been encouraged to dim their shine to make others feel comfortable. 

I strove for an environment of support, uplift - speaking out - and collaboration.

If you were reading an article written by Henry Hurley Feather, you’d say, “Wow. I’ll bet this guy is incredible to work for.”

So, imagine my shock, when I received feedback about my ambition.

When I was called “lazy” for leaving work for late term pregnancy appointments.

When I was told by a boss  - who advocated for my success - that my face was a part of my problem Because it “showed my emotions at all times; and, boy! It also wouldn’t hurt if I would wear makeup more often”.

There is a tax on having the ability to create life, and that tax - for white women - is roughly 17% according to NPR. 

This means that White Women make 83% of what white men rake in. This gap is even steeper for women of color.

But don’t worry, the gap doesn’t end there.

In order to make this 83% of what men make, women work on average 1 hour/day more than men. 

• They invest 11% more in skill building.

• They are often forced into the lowest paying jobs. (And encouraged to be grateful for the opportunity.)

• Which means they save 30% less than men for retirement.

• Yet, they burn out at a rate 50% higher than men.

You may be thinking that this is because women drive worse results.

You would be incorrect.

According to sources including Harvard Business Review and Forbes, companies with Female CEOs saw a 20% increase in stock price momentum in the two years following their appointment. 

A 2017 study by Finnish bank Nordea found that companies with a female CEO or head of the board of directors had a 25% annualized return over eight years, compared to 11% for the broader worldwide index of firms. 

Research from Frank Recruitment Group found that 87% of Fortune 500 companies with female CEOs reported above-average profits in 2021, compared to 78% for companies without a female CEO. 

It begs the question, why?

Or better yet, what can we do about it?

I attended a class with Paula Edgar entitled “Micro-aggressions: Response, Rest, and Resilience in a Changing Workplace”, and I’d like to share her framework here, and encourage anyone who is struggling with this today to go to her site and find this course.

Paula teaches the acronym REST.

R - Recharge through Mindfulness and Intentional Rest - I like this because it reminds you that you cannot bring your best response if you are worn out.

E - Emotional Regulation to Manage Stress and Prevent Burnout - Having a meditation or a breathing exercise at the ready when hit with a micro-aggression allows you respond from a place of steadiness, instead of emotion; even if it means your response is delayed.

S - Seek Support from Mentors, Coaches, or Professional Networks - Whether it’s strategizing on next steps to meet the challenge at this job, or finding a job that relieves the problem, your people can help, use them!

T - Take Action by Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Well-Being - This was my favorite part of the course. Paula gives great examples of ways to shut down micro-aggressive behavior without losing your cool. While, it is up to the person causing the problem to fix it, you can come from an educated place when setting boundaries for how they treat you.

So, gals, we cannot - and should not - take on fixing broken managers out in these streets; but we CAN limit the effect they have over us by preparing ourselves.

It is a nice side effect that when you improve your response to a micro-aggression, you improve the awareness of these behaviors for everyone that comes after you.

Doing good for yourself helps heal the workplace for others. But, the statistics above tell me that you already know that.

Do this for you.

And know that I am here for you in this revolution.

Viva!